My head is like unto a cage chock-full of rabid weasels, I have many thoughts and questions about writing just waiting to get out, which could possibly cause a much needed shake up on this particularly overlooked niche of the forum -- where are all my fellow wannabe writers at?

Firstly, I know this question encompasses a great deal, but how does one write a sentence to be smooth, or to be generally understandable to the reader. This may sound stupid to some of you but I feel my writing (especially the tiny bit of fiction I‘ve tried my hand at) lacks a smooth sort of flow to it -- those who have tried writing creatively should understand this. Any rules of thumb out there?

Secondly, lately I’ve noticed writers tend to use metaphors to embellish a scene or imagery. How does one be so dang creative? And I don’t mean the dinky sort of metaphors like, “He was slimy as a snake,” and being an ex-avid Jeff Corwin viewer I know snakes aren’t slimy. Catch my drift?

Hey Tharon, I'm glad to see that people want to discuss how to write, since I am a fellow wannabe writer.
As far as writing smoothly goes, that's pretty hard to explain, it just happens, don't think about it too hard. That's probably a good way to make confusing sentences is if you try too hard to make them sound intellectual or to make them extremely descriptive it could just be too much for one sentence to take.
As far as using analogies, I like what you said about some metaphors that we use not actually making much sense or being true. I think using metaphors that are unique and not cliche is the key. But as JV has said in her advice to writers, keep it to something that you know about. The more accurate it really is, the more power it has in writing.
Sharla

JVJ offer some excellent advise under her On Writing tab.
Have a read of Talking Point, Sense of Place and Devil in the Details. I think she answers these questions beautifully.